


The Day

by LifeGivesLemons (AmayaNoCho)



Series: Undelivered Notes to a Friend [1]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Death, Diary/Journal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Real Life, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmayaNoCho/pseuds/LifeGivesLemons





	The Day

This morning was the day. My dad and I went to your funeral. Don't think you would've expected so many people to show.   
As a mutual friend of ours said, after all, you have so many friends, yet never thought you did. It still seems to be the same way with me, even with the help I've gotten for my depression. Seeing as many people there as I did was a happy and sad thing, as it meant you touched so many people's hearts, had made so many friends, yet left so many behind. 

Been talking to another friend of ours through messaging. She seems to have talked to you quite often, but that didn't surprise me, as she does seem to try to keep in touch with friends, no matter the distance. She told me about your considerations of suicide through a car accident and left me in despair and disbelief, but I didn't argue with her or try to call her wrong for it. You never thought highly of yourself, after all, just like how I feel about myself, thus a trait of which we shared. It is, unfortunately, a possibility. 

Seems like your mom may have been acting up, though. Your younger sister posted apologizing about how she was acting and requesting that people just try to ignore how she was behaving and to maybe just leave her be. Like me and my mom, I know you and yours didn't get along so well. Not sure if that had anything to do with it, but it wouldn't have surprised me.   
I did make sure to talk to your sister at the lunch after the funeral. Felt like there was so much to say, both of us agreed on this, yet we just weren't sure what to say, so we didn't say too much, but we still talked. I told her about how I had wanted to call you Thursday, finally tell you how I felt, until I was informed of your death. She's been so strong about this whole thing, and so understanding, too. I'm glad she and I had talked after deciding to be roommates when classes start again, so she knew already about how I feel. 

I couldn't help but think about what could have been, what I feel should have been. Found myself thinking about you being with me as I washed dishes yesterday, and suddenly that turned into this idea of us being married and at a house of our own, with you standing behind me, your arms around me lovingly as I washed dishes and perhaps sang along to a song we were listening to, and maybe with you singing, too. Was really happy, and I had to fight back such bittersweet tears. 

I wish I had believed your sister back when she used to joke about you liking me so much. Perhaps then we could've had something, could still have something. Maybe then you would have worn your seat belt that night, or maybe you wouldn't have even been in that car that night to begin with. 

I still wish I had done more to support you. Our friend was right about how you seemed to always think you had few or no friends, but I know I could've done something to help you to see the truth, to see that no, you have lots of friends, lots of people who care.   
Maybe then you would've worn your seat belt and lived. You would've known you're loved by so many people and maybe would've even treated yourself better.   
Maybe then you would still be alive.


End file.
